My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
