Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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