: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now