One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.