on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Actions speak louder than pants.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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