I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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