Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
