So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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