end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
