As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
