remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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