Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
