Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
