What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
