Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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