You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
