Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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