That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize