Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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