did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
