Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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