Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
