There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
