Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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