Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize