No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
