I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
