I am midnight drunk by noon
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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