nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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