how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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