I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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