Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
