well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
