he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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