Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
