Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
