you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
