I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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