I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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