there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
