one two three fourrrrnication!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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