College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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