so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
