I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
this hospital has no fireball
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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