The best revenge is premature balding
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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