i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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