i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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