Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
