I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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