I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i now understand why vodka
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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