why didn't you poke me back
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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