Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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