You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
