im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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