dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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