I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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