hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
