the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
