I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
