He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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