he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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