Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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