Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
