Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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