i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
