i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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