Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
