Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Are we still banned from the library?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
