yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
