hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
